Saturday, April 15, 2017

Fighting for marriages

Zack and I are coming up on 5 years of marriage. Say what?! Which makes us season veterans at marriage... well... not really. But it feels like it.

It seems so long ago that we were just able to get up and do what we wanted with life. We didn't have children that needed our constant attention, instead of nights spent cuddling on the couch watching our favorite netflix show, instead Zack spends it at work, while I spend nights chasing our two hyper active children around, and then go to bed early so I can go to work in the morning.

We spend about 2 hours a day together, in between when I get off and he goes to work. That doesn't seem like much time, and it's not. But we make it work.

I read back through all my old blog posts. And while yes, we were oo gooey mushy in love, and sometimes I thought marriage was hard. It wasn't even close to as hard as it has been.

You see our marriage at times felt like it was going to fail. in 2014-2015 those two years I spent so much time being a dead fish, and so overly emotional, and quite frankly our marriage was just surviving.

Surviving. not something you want to use to describe a marriage. You would want to use words like love, and amazing, and wonderful. But it wasn't. Our marriage was barely floating, we were fighting to survive. But the key word here was FIGHTING. Sometimes though, It wasn't me that was fighting. It was Zack and Zack alone.

I like to think of marriage like this:

Your climbing a cliff together, and when your dating and getting to know each other you are climbing the cliff together, and if you decide not to stay together you can just jump down, but the better you get to know each other the higher you go so if you choose to let go the harder it hurts.

After you get married though you are pretty high up there. And at times it felt that we I was just dangling there while Zack held on to my arm with his sweaty fingers trying not to let go.

While there were times I felt like saying "just let go! I'm not worth it!" he never did. No matter what I did, no matter what I said. He stayed. He held on for both of us, even when I couldn't. He did it. We may have fell a little bit, but he caught us each time.

And that's the most important thing I think about marriage. Marriage isn't about 2 people being strong together. It's taking turns being strong and holding each other up. Loving each other no matter what and choosing each other, choosing to love each other despite what we put each other through.

There are so many people who ask who watches our kids, and I tell them mine and Zack's schedules. They say "whoo, that's rough!" How do you not see each other?!" and I just smile and say "yeah its difficult" but All I can think to myself is this is nothing.

Because when I'm falling asleep at night I listen to him out in the living room until I fall asleep knowing he's there.

because if I need him he is there and he listens.

because we spend the few and I mean few minutes alone with each other giggling with each other and laughing.

because he stays with me until I fall asleep sometimes talking about random facts.

Marriage isn't full of love dovey posts, and getting flowers everyday.

Sometimes it takes someone holding on to other making sure you don't let go. It's never letting go.

Thanks Zack for never letting me go. You keep my grounded and give me reason to keep going! I love you, I love you, I love you. Always to the moon and back!

1 comment:

  1. This is so sweet! I hear ya.. marriage is definitely a fight till the end. No matter what your going through. Happy & Sad. It's nice to read the real and the raw. I am so glad you guys have always held onto each other! xo, Kirst


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