Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Love Languages

Zack and I have been married for 3 years. And we've grown so much over those three years. I could go on and on about the lessons we have learned but I already wrote that blog post. You can read it by clicking here. Anyways, I heard from a coworker a few years ago go on and on about the book 5 love languages. I never really thought much about it, we were newlyweds and we loved each other what other help could we need?

But as time went on it felt like we were having the same fights over and over. I felt like I wasn't being heard and Zack felt like he wasn't being heard. Eventually we'd talk it out and things would go well for a few weeks, and then we would revert back into the same old patterns. And then we'd feel frustrated again and then we'd fight, and then eventually talk it out.

Then I got pregnant, and Zack and I worked opposite schedules so we never ever saw each other. we didn't fight as much as this point, because well, we never saw each other. And there wasn't much issues. It was hard, but we managed to get through it.

Our schedules changed, and I got depression and I would be constantly snapping and getting aggravated about everything. It seemed nothing Zack did showed that he loved me and the things I needed from him he didn't do. And the things he needed from me, I certainly wasn't doing. It was really difficult.

After I got on medication things started getting a bit easier. I was more pleasant to be around so it was easier for us to work things out and talk. But as time went on I was still getting frustrated because I wasn't being heard. I'd talk to Zack and he'd talk to me and it was like we were going around and around.

So I was toying with the idea for awhile on working things out in our marriage. Because it was clear when we were upset nothing was getting solved. And I was tired of the same old fights. I went out and bought the book "Desperate Marriages" by Gary Chapman. Our marriage isn't desperate but I've already learned a lot by reading that book. Turns out Gary Chapman actually wrote the book "the 5 Love Languages" So I decided What the heck why not. and we went out and bought the book last night.

So we took the test last night for each of us. Turns out we are polar opposites in our love languages. Which explains why we  kept having the same exact fights over and over. My love language is Acts of Service and I show my love for Zack by doing things for him, and I need to feel love by being shown acts of service.

Well, Zack got two actually, he got Quality Time, and Physical Touch. So this whole time he's been showing he loves me in his way. But because that's not my love language I haven't been understanding. And that's why he always told me "I just don't know what to do anymore to show you I love you" Because he was at a loss. And I was so upset because I felt not loved or needed.

So we started reading the first chapter last night and have already learned a lot. We know we can improve our marriage.

So my whole point, BUY THIS BOOK! Seriously. It'll improve your marriage. Don't have the same old fights like us, because we were too stupid to see, that we each show love in different ways.

I'll update you when we read each chapter and how our marriage has improved. :) I'm super excited!


  1. I haven't read that book, but I want to! I did take that test though, and so has Griffin. It really has helped our marriage a lot just by knowing what our different love languages are! Thanks for sharing!

    1. You're smart for knowing that when you first got married! I wish I could go back and have read this book first. But oh well....

  2. You've inspired me! There is room for improvement in EVERY marriage/relationship. I also noticed Gary Chapman wrote one for children and I think I'm going to invest in that one too!
    Love you girl!

    1. I'm so glad! It's a freaking awesome book! I'm a believer!!


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