Monday, May 11, 2015

The mother I want to be

Most of the time when I write posts about motherhood I write about my own personal experience as a mother. And tell you all about my screw ups and things that I learned and how amazing it is. 

But there is one person behind the scenes of it all. The one who cheers me on. My own mom.

She is the most amazing mom on the planet. And everything I learned about being a mom I learned from her.

I watched her fight for her children. When my brother Tyler was born and he was too little, I watched her fight for his life. I watched her fight for my brother Alex and all his ADHD problems and everything that goes with that... I watched her fight for us kids when we were doing something wrong and fighting with us when she knew it was the right thing.

I watched her as she made sacrifices. My mom worked full time and went to school full time. She sacrificed sleep, Sometimes her grades because she wanted to spend time with her growing children and make our lives better. 

I watched as she sacrificed space. When I was scared, I would crawl into my parents bed. So did my siblings.

I watched her sacrifice sleep as she held my hair back while I puked when I was sick. I watched her stay up with sick kids. 

I watched her accomplish her dreams becoming a nurse. And she is amazing at it! One of the best nurses and smartest people I have ever known! 

One time when I was a teenager, I was going through a really hard time. And I was crying on my floor contemplating ending it all. My mom came in and saw me on the floor and came and sat with me. And let me cry on her lap and she brushed my hair and told me she loved me so much, and that I'll get through this. She had no idea what I was going through but was there for me anyways. I don't even think she remembers that, but that is one of my favorite memories with her. Because she saved me. 

On the days where I feel low and can't keep going, I know I can go over to her house and she'll help me. She encourages me, talks to me, and loves me. No matter how horrible I am she loves me unconditionally. 

She shows me how to be a mom. She shows me that I'm perfect that way I am. And that there is good in everyday. She showed me how to be the best mom I can be. She shows me every single day that she loves me. And she is the best grandma to my daughter. She taught me to stand up for myself and that it's okay to have feelings and tell people when they hurt me. She taught me that I don't have to take crap from people. and that my life is worth so much! 

I love you mom so much! and everyday I thank Heavenly Father that you are my mom! I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You are one amazing mom and I learned everything about being a mom from you!

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