Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Mental Illness Awareness

The month of May is Mental Illness awareness month. This is something very close to me because I too suffer from 2 mental illnesses.

Many of you know or read my story back in October when I came out and told everyone what I was keeping in for oh so long. And I've been very open with my journey and telling everyone around me.

I don't do it because I'm seeking attention. I do it so that others in my same situation know there is hope, and there is healing, and that they aren't alone in this scary world. 

For so long I tried to fix me. I tried my hardest to ignore what I was going through. I tried to pretend that everything I was going through was normal. But it wasn't. I was struggling. 

I would sit and hold my brand new baby and cry and wonder why I hated myself so much. Why other people felt the need to treat me so terrible. Why I felt so hopeless, and worthless, and that my life wasn't worth living.

The only thing that kept me holding on was my little girl. Because I didn't want her to face this world without me. So I held on and stayed strong for her! 

Even though everything in my life felt like it was dying I kept trying to be strong and pretend I was okay. I was drowning. And I wanted somebody, ANYBODY to notice how much I was struggling. I wanted someone to look me in the eye and say "I can see you. And I know your not okay. It's okay to talk about it and open up. You're going to be okay"

No one did. I had to realize for myself that there was something seriously wrong with me. I was trying to be strong for everyone else that I forgot that I need to take care of myself first.

Finally in October I couldn't take it anymore! I couldn't take bawling my eyes out anymore and feeling worthless and thinking it was better for me to die. So I wrote a blog post and got it all out there. Because I wanted someone to see I was hurting. ANYBODY! Shortly after that I went to the doctors and got help.

But it still didn't take away the struggle.

Every single day is a fight. I'm fighting to do what I need to do to keep myself happy and healthy. I'm fighting for my right to feel okay. I'm fighting those worthless and unhappy feelings. 

I read people's blog where they are happy and healthy and life is amazing. And then I look at my life and it's not. And I feel like I can't talk about it for "seeking attention" or being a "downer" It's time to to stop the stigma when it comes to mental illness!

It's time to put your arms around those who are suffering and be there for them! Life isn't easy and suffering from an illness no one knows about isn't making it any easier. So lets be kind and show those around us we love them. Because you never know the battle that is going on within them!

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