Thursday, April 2, 2015

10 ways to help your marriage

I've been married for a few years now. But could still be considered a newlywed in some eyes, sure. 

But as Zack and I have had some rough patches we've needed to work through I've realized the ways that we are hurting our marriage. So I wanted to share ways to help your marriage!



1. PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY! Seriously. There is nothing worse than not seeing each other all day and then coming home and not speaking to each other as your zoned out reading posts on facebook, instagram, the news, sports updates, the xbox. When you get home turn off your phone, put it in another room, turn the TV off. You haven't seen each other all day. Act like you missed each other instead of being glued to your technology.



2. TALK TO EACH OTHER! Really. Seems simple right? Except there are times where Zack and I get so focused on other things or watching tv or on our phones that we hardly talk to each other. When we were dating we texted, called, talked to each other. We couldn't stop talking to each other. And then you get married and then it's like you forget how to talk to each other.


3. Do things TOGETHER! Yes. You need to do things together. It's great to go hang out with the girls, or the guys. or being with the kids. But in order to to help your marriage you need to do THINGS TOGETHER. I think I was so afraid to let anyone watch Madeline that we hardly did things together. But you don't have to go out to do things together. Do a date night at home after the kids go to sleep. Play games together. Cook dinner together. Go on walks together. Just do things TOGETHER!


4. Help each other. Husbands if your wife is at her wits ends with house work, the kids, work, whatever it may be. Help her. If she cooked you dinner and now the kitchen needs to be cleaned don't make her do it. Help her do it. It'll go a long way for her if she sees you stepping up to help her without her asking. If you see something that needs to be done step up and do it before she asks or does it herself. Wives, your husbands work hard to provide for the family. There are days when he has had a very long day. Help him by going the extra mile for him. Maybe you can let him relax and unwind from a long day at work. 


5. Make time for romance. (I'm not going to go into too much details because I'm squeamish when it comes to talking on this subject...) But husbands your wives aren't going to be up for any type of romancing if she's stretched thin. If you want romancing STEP UP AND HELP HER! She's so tired all the time there is no way she'll be able to do anything. Wives, romancing it apart of of marriage. I get that your tired. But this helps strengthen your marriage and brings you closer together. Sometimes you need to buck up and deal with it.


6. Be there for each other. This should be a no brainer. But you need to be there for each other, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, in every way. Help each other reach goals. Cheer each other on. Build each other up. Encourage each other. Be a shoulder to cry on when things go bad. Be there to hug them when things aren't what they should be. Hold their hands when they go through something scary. Be there for moral support. Be present when they need someone to talk to. Share things with each other. Make goals together. 


7. Laugh with each other. I think this is most important. Learn to laugh together. When you burn dinner, instead of crying, laugh about it. When dates turn out horribly. Laugh about it. When you are getting intimate and you fall off the bed, laugh about it. (I about died writing that sentence) When you get covered in vomit or poop laugh about it. When your embarrassed because your sick and you need them to hold your hand laugh about it. (that's happened to us) Just learn to laugh and let go.


8. Take a step back and breathe. When your in the heat of the moment, it's easier to give in to anger and lash out at your spouse. But if you take a moment to collect your thoughts and think "is this really worth getting into a fight about?" most of the time it's not. It'll save a lot of hurt feelings. Revisit the conversation once you both have taken time to cool off and can talk with a level head.



9. Never stop dating each other. When you are dating you learn everything you can about one another. You want to spend every second together. You talk non stop. You can sit under the stars and talk about anything. So keep doing that. Just because you get married and have kids doesn't mean that those feelings you once had aren't still there. You just have to make a bit of an effort to get that way again. It's not easy. But if you do what you did before you got married, then you'll never get divorced.


10. Go out of your way for each other. Do something for each other once a month where you go out of your way your thinking about one another. Whether you bring her home, ice cream, her favorite treats, do chores for her. And wives, do something nice for your husband, whether you get him a new tie, new socks, new shirts, or clean his car, wash his car, let him relax for the evening. Give him a back rub. Can be anything. But go out of your way to do something nice for them to show that you are thinking about them!



Life isn't easy. It'll never be easy. But you can certainly make it easier by doing the little things in life. You should never go on auto pilot. The moment you do, is when things will start to fall apart. Always make a conscious effort with each other! And always make an effort to show that you love one another!


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