Wednesday, August 20, 2014

What's wrong with me?

I've been in a serious funk the last few weeks. I love writing. I love writing on my blog. I used to be so good at writing in my journal and then I started blogging and stopped writing in my journal since this became my journal. I've always tried to be open and real on here. Because not everybody's story is happy all the time. So I try to be real almost always.

But lately, a certain somebody has made me feel so crappy about myself, and what I do with my life that I have not been posting much on instagram, or facebook, or on my blog. And we were really close with this person. 

I've tried talking it through with Zack, but it's hard for him not be be biased. My family, but again it's hard for them not to be biased. Although they have probably been the most unbiased people I've talked to recently.

So I've taken to pinterest and started pinning tons and tons of sayings that just describe my situation completely. They make me feel better. So I'm hoping that if you are having a bad day or a hard time these will make you feel better too.



And my favorite right now:

Because I don't care if you are openly mean. People can see your mean and if they can't take it they can walk away. But those people who are so rude to you but then act all nice when everyone is around so they've got everybody fooled... They bother me. And this is my exact situation I'm in. This person has been so rude so hurtful to me, if I try to tell anyone no one believes me, because they are so fake and quiet that everybody thinks that I'm just taking it the wrong way. How can you take something the wrong way when for as long as I've known this person I felt nothing but hate towards me? And now that they want something from me they are acting all nice towards me when I know they don't give a dang about me.

So instead of playing there game I've decided to take these two quotes literally:



And let me tell you, it's starting to make me feel better. Because I don't have to deal with people hurting me anymore. I can choose if I want them in my life and my daughter's life. I don't need to leave crying anymore anytime I come face to face with them. I don't need to hide from them anymore. I don't have to let them be apart of my life.

I shouldn't feel bad for terminating toxic relationships. Right? I'm tired of people constantly asking me if I'm okay, and if everything is alright. I'm tired of plastering a fake smile on and saying sweetly "oh I'm fine" when it's not fine. When did I become this person who took so much crap? This is not how I wanted my story to turn out. And all you have to do is say "this is not how it's going to end" and move on. And that's what I'm doing starting today. This is not how's it's going to end. I'm turning the page on my story and writing it how I want it to be.


1 comment:

  1. Courtney! We seriously need to get together! I miss you!
    I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm proud of you for having the guts to do what's best for you and your family. Hugs!


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