Monday, October 14, 2013

Random ramblings

I've been thinking a lot lately. 

Well I guess everyone thinks a lot, if you didn't you would be some mindless zombie, or I guess you could be Miley Cyrus...

Anywho. I've been thinking a lot about what kind of mom I want to be. There are so many times I sit there and think that my children will be perfect little angels. When I know in fact, this is NOT the case. Hello, they are mine and Zack's kids. They are going to be stubborn know-it-all children.

But I don't like to dwell on that. I have been having dreams lately about child birth. Last night I had a dream I gave birth and of course she was in the NICU because well she is just over 10 weeks early. But I was far away from her. Like in another state (I know my dreams are weird) And I was dying to see her and I was doing everything in my power to see that little girl. And when I finally saw her I just felt so happy inside. And then I had to wake up and go to work.

But it just makes me think of how excited I am that she is coming so so soon! That my world is about to change forever. And I could not be more excited to have her here. 

I seriously walk into her unfinished nursery everyday and stare at her crib and her swing and her bouncer and just get a big smile on my face knowing she'll be here so soon!

I love seeing her stick her bum in the air (definitely like her mama) and see my stomach become all lopsided and see when she sticks her head up and touch her head. I feel that much closer to her. Of course there is no way we can be any closer than what we are now. I mean she's inside of me and this bonding we have is so crucial. And I am loving absolutely every single minute of it. 

I never knew how much of a loss you could experience when someone miscarried. I was one of those people that thought "you never even felt it move, or seen it or whatever, how could you be this upset?" And here I am, pregnant and I know I would be completely heartbroken if I lost this little girl. She already has her special personality and I love her to pieces. She has a special place in my heart and I love her to death. I have no idea where I would be without her already. She's changed me for the better and I could not be more thrilled.

I don't know how women have abortions. Maybe there scared, or maybe they are selfish. But I know if they saw there baby, and they saw that heart beat and got to see there little baby, they would not go through with it. The first time you see your baby and see it's little heart beat move, a love grows in your heart that you never knew or have experienced before. Children change you in ways you never thought possible.

Anyways... that's my ramble for the day. Have a good week out there! I can't believe were going to be 28 weeks tomorrow! Around 10ish weeks until we see her!

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