Thursday, August 29, 2013

Where I am today.

I was talking to my mom last night. I was telling her the difference between me and my brothers and how I got where I am today.

I got where I am today, sadly in spite. When I turned 12 I had AMAZING young women leaders. All my life I wanted to be exactly like my parents. I wanted to get married in a church and then later get sealed in the temple. My young women leaders made me realize how important the temple was and it was from that point I started to change.

My parents were amazing examples to me. But they did a lot of changing while I was growing up. I can honestly say from the age of 6 to now my parents aren't the same people. I just wanted that out there so you don't think I'm talking negatively about them.

When I was 12 years old I looked around at all the adults in my life and I realized something. There wasn't a single person (not including my parents) who I wanted to grow up and be like. I looked at there lives and there was something missing. And it was the gospel.

Even now I look around and I don't want to be like any of them. When I got into fights with some of these people I would tell them when I grew up I wasn't going to be like any of them and they laughed in my face and told me that wasn't possible. My destiny was made and that I would come crawling back eventually. So when I was 12 years old I made the choice to be different. 


I kept telling myself "I will never be like them" So when I entered middle school and there were people around me swearing and wearing immodest clothing I made it a point to never swear and to not dress like that, I didn't even wear make up until I was 16! Because I held myself up to a higher standard.

My parents never cared about ratings for movies. They cared about the actual content. But I made the personal decision to not watch rated R movies no matter what. And I felt my parents were proud of that decision I made.

Another decision I made was not to swear. And to this day I hold myself to this. I made this decision because I watched what the degrading swear words did to someone's self esteem. I watched parents yell and swear at there children and I felt that it was really wrong. That a child should never have to hear those words come out of the parents mouth. So I vowed that I would never swear around my children. Again I got laughed at and I still get laughed at, but this is serious to me. I feel like it's abuse when you swear at your children. Your innocent children and your swearing at them. Even in casual conversation its not okay because when you get mad your more than likely to swear at them. I made a promise to my Heavenly Father to never swear at my children and I make a promise on here that I never will. 

Another thing I came to hate was hunting. I loathe and detest every ounce of it. I have some good memories going on the hunts with my dad 

But what I wasn't okay with was when I watched people sit around and get drunk and gamble. Go ahead and hunt that's fine, but to be honest I associate camping with everything I'm against. 2 years ago wasn't as bad. I went hiking with my dad and got to bond with him. But to be honest I just associate hunting with bad experiences. I watched fights happen and tear my family apart. I got into fights with family members because of the way they were treating my brothers. Because I didn't agree with there parenting techniques and it wasn't there business.


I hold myself to a higher standard because I have seen what it looks like to not have the gospel in your life. The gospel lights up a person. I was so drawn to many of my young women leaders because of there goodness and the light that was shining out of them. I wanted to grow up and have people notice that I was different and see the light that I had seen others have. I read my patriarchal blessing and it tells me I am different and it tells me everything I want to hear about myself. So I know Heavenly Father holds me to a higher standard. So it's my responsibility to be all that I can be.

I try my hardest everyday to be the good mormon girl I'm supposed to be. I mess up, I'm not perfect. And goodness when I do mess up I hear about it from everyone. But you know what, I'm trying. I'm not perfect. I have flaws. So go ahead and point them out. It's just a reminder that I have room to grow and be a better person. 


So that's why I choose to be the way I am. Because I've seen personally what life can be like other wise and I don't want it. My wedding day was one of the best days of my life and I literally felt like I was glowing because of the personal decision I made when I was 12 to be married in the temple.

And I will NEVER regret it. Or this life I chose oh so long ago.

1 comment:

  1. Oh how I love this! So much! You are incredible!

    Love,
    Racquel

    ReplyDelete

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