Monday, August 12, 2013

Thank you.

***Disclaimer! This is a very personal post if you hate those, then don't read on!***

I've never had high self esteem. It's something I've really struggled with over the years. 

I don't know if it was all the times the people I loved most actions showed they didn't care about me at all. But they always told me "we love you Courtney" and then their actions showed quite the opposite. 

There were quite a few times in my life where I decided that since no one wanted me around I would just end my life. It would be much easier for me not to feel the way I felt and let the ones around me not worry about me anymore.

But I pushed on. I thought about all the people in my life that truly loved me and wanted me. That never stopped showing me how much they loved me. And it kept me going.

I was praying last night. I didn't ask for anything. I just said a prayer saying how grateful I was to those in my life that kept me going. And I woke up this morning thinking about those individuals. How much I loved them and needed them in my life. And I got thinking that I don't tell them often enough how much I need them and how thankful I am that Heavenly Father gave me them. So here is my post dedicated to you.

First to Zack:

Zack has always been there for me. Even before we were dating. If I had a bad day I knew I could just text him and he would make me feel better. Even to this day doesn't matter how mean I am to him, he knows just the right way to cheer me up. He loves me flaws and all. He's so patient and nice and I don't know what I would do without him.

To my parents:
My mom no matter what she'll always be there for me. Always have. She's been my best friend my entire life. She always tries to think of her children first, she never chose her friends over us kids even when she was a young 20 year old. She has always shown us her love even when we screwed up or told her I hate her. Her unfailing love is one I hope to bring to my children.
My dad is a man a few words. When he said something or gave you advice it was always profound and great advice. He always tried to be super dad and make all of special events. Even if he was late or stayed for a few minutes to go to the next event. He always found a way. He is always so dedicated to our family and he is one of my best friends.

To my siblings:
Matt has always been my partner in crime. We didn't always get along but when I didn't have friends of my own he would always let me tag along with his friends. He is constantly looking after me even when I don't appreciate him checking up on me, I know how much he loves me. He has a good heart and is a great older brother.
Whitney is the sister I never got. She is witty and funny and brings a certain personality to our family. She makes my brother a better person. When I feel like I don't have any friends I know I can just text her and she'll be there for me. Whether it's helping me with some mean people or just watching chick flicks with me she's fun.
Tyler brings a certain light to our family. If I'm in a bad mood he'll come bother me until I laugh. He just has a way of making everyone around him laugh and have fun. It seems no matter where he goes he can make friends and he doesn't have an issue you telling someone there being dumb. 
Alex is so goofy. He will say the most random things and you will sit there confused and laughing. He comes up with the weirdest games and has one of the most creative imagination there is. His love is pure and no matter how awful and mean someone is to him he'll forgive them. Whether that person deserves his love and forgiveness or not he'll forgive them. 

And to Sophi:
This little girl means more to me than anyone will know. She came in a time in my life where I needed someone. She became my instant best friend and loves me always. Thinking of her brings a smile to my face and can make my bad day seem better. She has such a fun personality and makes anyone around her fall in love with her. I'm so happy she came into our family. I couldn't imagine life without her. 

To my baby:
I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has let me be your mom. I love you with all my heart and I will show you each and every day how much I love you. I can't wait until the day I meet you and get to have you in my arms. Your the greatest blessing in my life!

My family has been there for me always. I'm at the time in my life where if someone doesn't help me grow as a person, love me, or makes me feel less than what I am I will be letting them go. Life is too short to associate yourself with people who make you feel anything less than your best. 

There has been too many times in my life where I wanted to give up because these people. I know my worth. I'm so grateful that I decided that life was worth it. That I did love my life! That no matter what life is worth it. And I don't deserve to be treated the way I have been.

Thank you for your constant love. You guys don't understand how much I need you in my life. I hope one day I can repay the debt. I love you guys!

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