Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Lets get real.

Lets get real here for a second. 

Before I got married I had a unreal mental image of what marriage was like. 

I thought, oh we'll be home together at nights we'll be able to cuddle on the couch and eat brownie sundaes that I made, we'll watch hours of movies. Because movie nights are the best.

Date nights would be amazing and everything in my life would be rainbows and butterflys.


Let me tell you something that's not how it is at all.

When I first got married I worked 4 hours a day 5 days a week. I worked 2-6. Zack usually worked 1-10. That meant we spent the morning snuggling in our bed. Doing laundry together before it's lunch time and off to work we go. Or running around like a maniac trying make sure everything was put together the right way. 

Then I moved to full time. 9:30-6. And Zack got a new job and started working 10-7. Which was AWESOME. because I would go to work and then he would. I would get home from work. Make dinner make sure everything was good and clean at our house and we would spend the night doing whatever we wanted.

Then Zack's schedule changed to 11-8. Which wasn't sooo bad. It was only a 2 hour difference from my shift. So I had time to come home and wait to get dinner started. But sometimes work got so hectic he wouldn't come home until 9... sometimes 930. 

Then my schedule changed. I now work 7-330. And he still works 11-8.

That's a big difference. So here is how our married life looks like now. I wake up and go to work. He's still sleeping when I leave. I come home from work to an empty apartment. Some days I'll go over to my wonderful parents house to pass the time. I watch the office, everybody loves raymond and countless other tv shows. I make dinner and clean up when I'm not physically exhausted because well that's what pregnancy does to you. And then at 7 I start doing my bed time routine (I need time to wind down). Zack gets home when I'm heading off to bed.

Does that sound like a fairy tale? See each other for maybe 15 minutes before I drift off into my drug induced slumber and for him when he wakes up for 5 minutes to tell me goodbye before I leave.

I miss those carefree days of surprising him. Counting down the minutes until he gets home. Now I never see him. This isn't what marriage is suppose to be like.

But sacrifices must be made now so that way in the future I can have what I want.

Marriage must be selfless. If you are being selfish you can start to resent your husband for the long hours he works. Or the fact that he doesn't sit down with you to eat dinner. That he stays up for hours after you go to bed. but choose to lay by you when he gets home because he would rather do that then be by himself. 

Marriage is amazing but it's not going to be that fairytale life you always dreamed it would be. My marriage is awesome. And I'm grateful that I've been with Zack for 4 years. If I hadn't these last few months would've been rough. But sacrifices must be made. We understand that and we suck it up and move on. 

So here's to the future. I'm hopeful we can only go up from here. But it can always be worse. But for now, I'll appreciate the little moments I have with Zack. And all the times I do get to spend with him. 

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