Thursday, April 18, 2013

Body Image

I don't know what it is with women today thinking that they need to be a size 0. Oh wait. That's me.

It kinda makes me mad how the media makes me feel like crap because I'm not a size 0. When I got married my dress size was a size 2. And I still didn't feel great about myself because I wasn't a size 0. 

Now I don't know how many people know this or care, I've been anorexic before. Yup. I sure have. Back when I was in 8th grade. When I was in 7th grade I was still wearing clothes from the little girl section at Jcpenney's because well I was just that small. I had a girl in my dance class who looked so good. She had curves and looked like a model. IN SEVENTH GRADE. Seventh graders should not be looking like that. And why I was comparing myself to her I have no idea. I was just the same size as her but she was just more developed than I was.

And then my eating disorder started. I think that I finally started eating again in 9th grade because my parents caught on and made me eat. And we sat down a lot of the time to have family dinners. But here I am 21 years old about to finish up my Junior year of college and I still struggle with anorexia.

Did you know that anorexia is a mental problem? That sometimes anorexia people see themselves 5-10 lbs heavier than they really are. Some days I look in the mirror and I feel great about myself. And then there are times when I look in the mirror and start to want to go anorexic again because I see myself SO over weight. 

Poor Zack, always poor Zack has to listen to me go on about other women who look great and then myself. And poor Mykel (hi Mykel!) those two have to listen to me day in and day out about this stupid eating problem. When Zack isn't around I talk to Mykel. I literally spend almost my whole day at work talking to him. And a lot of times this stupid problem I have comes up. So I feel really bad but if I don't talk about it to someone I feel like I'll just slip back in and start starving myself again. Which I have... But I do pretty good on telling on myself. (which is usually my que for I'm hungry make me feel okay that I'm about to go eat) and they do a good job. 

But I really think that it's a big problem everywhere. That women just don't understand that we are perfect the way we are. Sometimes it's not possible to be a size 0. And I was talking to my mom yesterday about my birthday coming up and she's buying me clothes (of course) and I just got really upset about my body and then I realized that my body is finally catching up for all those times I starved myself. It didn't really develop and now it's starting to. So I'm grateful I'm healthy but I don't appreciated it... Not this time in my life...

This is what I looked like in 6th grade. Pretty much the same as 7th grade and there is nothing wrong with that body! 


Seriously why can't I be okay with the way my body looks? This isn't fat! Society quit telling me I am! I'm perfect the way I am. I know that I still have days where I think I am. But I'm perfect the way I am. Sorry Victoria Secret Model's. I'm not you, I don't have to starve myself to have my husband tell me I'm beautiful.

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