Wednesday, February 20, 2013

It's tough

 Oh geez. I don't even know how to write this post. But I think I really need to write down my feelings today because I feel like they are just consuming me.

I feel like I've been in some kinda depressing state lately. Like there is a little gray cloud raining down on me. I don't really know how to shake it off. Which is really making things in life right now hard.

Back when I was in high school I was going through a really hard trial and thought you know this will be the hardest thing I will ever go through. But really? If I got through that then obviously I'm stronger than I was and I can handle something harder. But I really don't want to go through something harder. Because really. That's not fair. And I know, life isn't fair I realize that but you know, one can hope.

So why am I so depressed lately? Shortly after I graduated high school I was reading my patriarchal blessing and I just had this over whelming feeling that it's going to be a struggle to have children. I told Zack this feeling and we kinda talked about it along with marriage and things like that. But I kinda brushed it off and forgot about it.

Now that feeling is just consuming every ounce of me lately. Because infertility is a devastating thing and a really hard thing to go through. I know because I've watched it with many people. I hate endometriosis. I hate it and I think its unfair for any woman to go through. But turns out it's very common and I'm hearing about others stories. (so if you have a story about this please talk to me I seriously love talking to people who have this) But hearing others stories also make it harder. Because some people are left infertile. Some have miracle stories where they were able to get pregnant. I just don't know which category I'm in.

But you know I'm surrounded by so many people who love me and are supporting me so I am grateful. I'm grateful to my parents who are so eager to always help me, who love me with all there hearts.

I'm grateful for my brothers and sister in law and my wonderful niece. They are a great distraction and they truly just bring a smile to my face.

I'm grateful for my in laws (all of them) I just feel so loved when I'm with them or talk to them I can't believe I was lucky enough to get another amazing family.

And to Zack. For bearing this with me. It's a hard rode we are going down and I'm so grateful he's sticking by my side.

Thanks for listening to the ramble. I just wanted to write down my feelings this far.

1 comment:

  1. I didn't know you guys were trying. I know all about infertility! I'm sorry you have to go through it too. Its such a hard trial. Sending prayers your way. xoxo


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