Thursday, June 14, 2012

I'm a big baby

No really I am. See ever since I was little I've been afraid of the dark. Never gotten over it. When I lived at my parents house I used to leave the television on until I fell asleep then most of the time wake myself back up and turn it off.

Not now. See we don't have cable. And we don't have a dvd player in our bedroom at the moment. I know Zack truly loves me because he will move the dvd player from the front room into the bedroom and then back again. 

But at our apartment that's not the only thing I'm afraid of. I'm paranoid. I don't like sleeping next to the window I always feel like people are watching me when I sleep. Well in our new bedroom there isn't much of a choice. :/ I'm next to the window. I can't ever get to sleep! 

This is how big of a baby I am: The first night in our new apartment, we didn't sleep on our new lovely bed that Zack's family bought us. No, we slept on our cheap futon that I bought because I was too scared to be in our bedroom. Poor Zack.

This week, we slept on the futon again because I was scared. Pathetic. And yesterday, it was a wonderful night, we cuddled on the love sac, ate homemade yummy gooey cookies, watched Man on a Ledge (great movie!) but then when it came time to sleep in my bed I just couldn't. Zack wanted to read and he said he would go in the living room and read. I told him it was fine and I would go sleep on the futon and have him come wake me up when he wanted to go to bed. Guess he wanted to let me sleep because at 2 I woke up still on the futon and all the lights out and the TV off. (because Zack turned on the movie for me and turned it off) He's so nice and such a good sport. 

Any suggestions? Maybe it's just me and I just can't get adjusted to the new apartment. But seriously this is beginning to be a problem.


  1. Something that helped me was to pray. Especially now that Zach is deployed, I pray every night until I fall asleep. It's normally just, "Daddy, please stop my fear and help me sleep." Over and over again...but I feel Him holding me and I fall asleep. Try it. In Logan, we lived in a CREEPY old house. In the day time I loved it but at night, in the middle of winter, when all the ice cicles are falling off the roof it was so scary. I was alone a lot up there because Zach drilled down here so he would be gone a lot. Again, prayer helped me. BUT!!! If all you're worried about (other than the dark) is someone watching you then get a curtain and curtain rod. Pretty cheap at walmart. Court, you need to sleep in your own bed. Get a night light or a tiny little lamp. It's going to start putting a stress on your marriage if you can't sleep together in your own bed. Good luck with this, Sweetie. Love you!

  2. it is so hard to be strong when you need to be. something like this is just going to take time. the best thing that i think that you two could do together is just pray, ask zack to bless the home and dont be afraid to ask for a blessing. all that i can do is pray and hope and trust that he hears me and IS watching over me. it will just take time.. one thing (for the darkness) get a candle warmer from walmart and plug it in by the bed.. OR zach and i found 15 watt light bulbs there and they work GREAT! not too bright but not too dim either. i hope that things start getting better for you! love you both!!! <3

  3. I agree with Malena and Kody 100%. You're father in heaven will always be there to help you through you fears when you ask. You are blessed to have the power of the priesthood in your home, don't take it for granted.
    ALSO, I know I have a little DVD player lying around somewhere that I would be happy to let you have so Zack doesn't have to keep moving yours around. And I'd also be happy to help you make/buy some pretty curtains to cover that scary window. I see a trip to walmart in our near future? I'll text you!


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