Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Infertility. My Journey.

Well, that's a yucky yucky word.

I have many friends who suffer from infertility, I've watched the struggle. I feel like I can't talk about my own journey because there are so many people that are out there who's story isn't like mine. I mean, how can I talk about infertility if I haven't even experienced IVF or IUI or egg retrievals or doctor appointments of unexplained infertility.

Because I've been blessed on my own infertility journey. 

So to get you all up to speed, I suffer from Endometriosis. 


So what is endometriosis? Well, here's the definition of it from good ol' webmd

Endometriosis happens when tissue normally found inside the uterus grows in other parts of the body. It may attach to the ovaries, fallopian tubes, the exterior of the uterus, the bowel, or other internal parts. As hormones change during the menstrual cycle, this tissue breaks down and may cause painful adhesions, or scar tissue.

I suffer from this. 

Many women suffer from this actually. It's one of the main causes of infertility. But many women don't find out they have it until it's too late, they try and try to have children, go through testing, being poke and prodded to find out they have it. And it's too far along for them to conceive on their own.

My story is a bit different. I didn't have unexplained infertility, I didn't show up at doctors office wondering why I couldn't have babies, because I did. I had 2 beautiful babies. 



My journey, started in March of 2012. I was at work having some really bad pain on my right side, we thought it was my appendix so off to the emergency room we went. After running some tests they couldn't find anything wrong with me. 


I didn't think much of it, I got married and life moved on. Then, in October 2012, I was having the same exact pain again. I was frustrated because it was in the exact same spot. We decided we'd go to the ER just in case it was my appendix. It wasn't. They did an ultrasound and found some fluid by my ovary. They told me a cyst had ruptured and probably infected my ovary and I needed to schedule an appointment with my OBGYN. So I did. They ran no tests, didn't tell me anything new, just told me "it happens" and moved on.

But the pain returned. I knew it wasn't just a "cyst" so in December 2012, I went to my family practice doctor and had him run some tests. He told me it could be 1 of 2 things. The first a really bad infection or Endometriosis. He put me on some heavy antibiotics to see if we could flush out the infection (if it was indeed an infection) he said if I continued to have pain then it wasn't an infection and I needed to make another appointment with my OBGYN. The antibiotics made me super sick and it was the week of Christmas when I started this, so it was pretty lousy. 



The antibiotics didn't work, so off to the OBGYN I went again. She told me, "so you suffer from endometriosis," but usually they go in laparoscopic but they didn't want to do that until it was absolutely necessary so that way it wouldn't build up more scar tissues. 

I was given 3 options
1. To have a baby.
2. Put on hormonal birth control
3. be put in a menopausal state

I was currently in school and wanted to finish school before we had a baby, so I went on birth control. I got freaked out though thinking about never being able to have children, so I went off the birth control 2 weeks later.... And we started trying to have a baby. (this was in January) 

We found out we were pregnant on April 30, 2013. 


It was a relief because we weren't infertile yet. We caught it in time!


It's always in the back of my mind though. When we started trying for baby #2, I freaked out thinking we were infertile since it had been such a long time since we found out. We stopped preventing but not actively trying...


It was disheartening to read "not pregnant" time and time again. Because I was worried we were going to have to go through infertility treatments. Because once your told your chances of conceiving naturally become slimmer when you have Endo you start to freak. 

But... we were blessed again.




But here we are again. I didn't have a period for 2 years after Hailey, and my endometriosis is back with a vengeance. I can feel the damage done, the pain it's causing, all the scar tissue and the blocked Fallopian tube on my right side. 

Moral of the story?
Listen to your body!

Even if you aren't trying to have kids, listen to your body. If your periods aren't consisted like on a 28-30 day cycle and bleed for 5-7 days, if your cramps are absolutely terrible that you can't get off the floor that first day (like me) or if you have pain when you ovulate, (like me) go talk to your OBGYN! 

I feel incredibly lucky I found out early. My situation could easily change though in a moment. I may not have gone though IVF, or IUI,  but I could very easily be someone who could or will. 

So that's my story, I may not be infertile yet on both sides. But I know that feeling of "something is wrong" or "will I ever be able to have another kid?" I thank Heavenly Father that I've been one of the lucky ones on this journey. 



Thursday, July 13, 2017

Silence

Since working at MATC I spend a lot of time being quiet. Sitting in the silence. I am a testing proctor so it's always pretty quiet. But there's something I've come to understand about silence.

I love it.

To me, the world is just filled with so much noise. 

People trying to be something they aren't. Trying to fill the silence with lies, or hurtful words. 

I've found myself hating other people so much of the time, I hate that they make me feel so awful about myself. I hate that I feel horrible about myself. 

But I've found that the silence brings me comfort. 


People get so freaked out by the silence, but to me, the silence gives me space to think.

It gives me time to know what's in my own heart and mind and not what everyone else is trying to put there. 

It gives me the ability to reevaluate myself and my priorities. 



I've found out a lot about myself in the silence. I can feel the spirit more, I can understand myself on a deeper level.

I encourage you just to try it, maybe at first it may seem weird to you, but just allow yourself time to sit and think. No noise, no TV going, no music. Enjoy the sound of your own mind, and you'll be amazed at what you find! 


Thursday, July 6, 2017

June Wrap Up

So June was a really fun month, and already for July we've had a blast. But I just want to document everything we did in the month of June. So here we go!

We've ran through sprinklers a million times already. 



We did the Orem summer festival. That's always a tradition that I love! It kicks off summer just right!



Taken a lot of walks on the river trail. 


We've got to a couple different splash pads. 




Played outside and rode scooters. 


Went to Spanish Oaks since Seven Peaks was closed. 




Had water fights, played in the backyard with water. 



Went camping! 


And of course we went to seven peaks a million times! 


I also quit my job at Entrata. I just wasn't happy there and felt my depression getting worse the longer I stayed there. So I felt that it was time to find a new job. 


And I did! I now work at MATC in Spanish Fork as a testing administrator. People tell me it sounds boring and stupid. But to be honest, I really love it. I don't have to answer phones, I can work on homework, I can interact with actual people and they are actually nice to me. My coworkers like me, and my boss believes in me and genuinely cares about me as a person and tells me all the time how wonderful I'm doing and that I'm a great addition to the team. Which was the opposite at Entrata. My boss told me I was going to be fired multiple times (which is so not good for morale.) 


Moral of the story, I'm so much happier and I love my job!

Whew, June was a crazy month, This summer has been a blast so far! I'm so excited to see what the next few months of summer have in store!

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Hailey is 1!!

Hailey turned 1 on May 2nd. So yeah, I'm slightly behind on this post. But here we go!















How is it my baby is all grown up?!

At 1 years old 14 months old Hailey:
-Still loves her mom, she's attached to me wherever I go.
- Bites. Literally when she is angry at someone or doesn't want someone to touch them she'll bite them. I have no idea how to stop her from this habit.
-Loves to nurse :( Again weaning her isn't going well...
- Loves to play in the sprinklers, or water.
- Loves to sing How Far I'll Go
- Favorite food is Mac and Cheese or whatever I'm eating
- Can say Daddy, mom, papa, AJ (We always yell his name so... of course she picked up on it.
- She loves Lilly (my parents dog) she tries to ride her. Uh...

We seriously love her!

Friday, June 16, 2017

Oh daddio a day all about YOU!

Oh dad... I thought I would make a post all about YOU because I did one for mom on mothers day. I'll keep some of the same questions. But I thought I would mix it up a little bit just for you ;)


Alright, here we go

Describe how you are like your father:

oh man oh man. My mom said this to me once "you may look like me, but you act just like your father!" she wasn't implying it in a good way ;) I get my stubbornness from him. I like to joke around and laugh. I like to try new adventures, and tease people in a fun way. I like to fix things, sometimes. I'm not good at it like he is though.

Favorite funny story about us

Remember how I would always lay on the couch on my stomach and for some reason you thought that I was egging you on to spank me, when really I was just laying there minding my own business? Yeah,  I do. And I caught on so whenever you would walk by me I would hurry and flip over so you couldn't spank me? And the one time you were walking into the kitchen and I was watching you, and you had that look in your eye. Like you were up to something, and I KNEW what you were going to do so I turned over so you couldn't. And you just started snickering. Well you went into the kitchen so I knew it was safe and next thing I know, you are FLYING (and when I mean flying I literally mean flying) over the couch to spank me and then tried to crawl away like I wouldn't know what you did.

Sounds I associate with you

I had to put this one on here. So there are a few things. First, why is it always like 6 in the morning on a Saturday? But you would grab a pot and a spoon and start in the kitchen and then make your way down in our rooms banging the spoon on the pot yelling "I stole the pot, I stole the pot" AT 6 IN THE MORNING! ON A SATURDAY! I will never forget that. And then, also at 6 in the morning if you weren't doing the pot thing, you would be vacuuming. And you would come in our room to vacuum and if we dared tried to ignore you, you would take the hose of the vacuum and suction our faces!

If I could throw away anything of my dad's it would be his...
Ratty old work sweatpants. Man I keep telling him he needs new ones, I think he might've gotten new ones, but those old things, and all his old work shirts. There are so many holes in them I don't think they ever do their jobs ;)

How would you describe your dad in the morning?
Um... refer to question about sounds I associate with you. ;) He's so happy and nice in the morning, and he would say, having to deal with stupid people throughout the day is what puts him in the bad mood. I would chalk that up though that he works at the prison and encounters stupid people on the daily, and not because of his children. Although, his children can be equally stupid at times.

How would you describe your dad's taste in music?
Ha. I never know what way that man swings. He loves 90's country music. That's what I grew up on. And then there is 80's pop, and rock. And then we have modern music which he's into modern pop music. Or anything with a good beat. I would say he listens to some really good songs, to some seriously weird stuff. ;)

and last but not least

What do you wish you could tell your father?
Probably you are the best dad in the whole world. We may have butted heads when I was a kid because we are so much alike, but I love our relationship now and wouldn't trade it for anything. I love how we are like 2 pea's in a pod, and that I can ask you anything. If I need anything I know you're there. You make me so proud and I love spending time with you. You and mom are what I aspire to be when I'm an adult. I love you dad! Thanks for you being you!






Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Nights that make it all worth it

Last night was a bad night. It started going to dinner with my parents and Hailey being a total tornado, chucking food, and then proceeding to dump my entire glass full of water all over me, her, and Madeline. Everyone in the restaurant was laughing... I however, was not. I went home feeling defeated and like the worst mom ever. But the night didn't stop there. Hailey cried the whole way home, cried in the bath tub. And then finally went to sleep. And then Madeline decided it was her turn to cry... Zack got home, I went to bed and cried myself to sleep feeling like a failure.

The day looked like this:

 

But today was different. My girls listened, my girls were good. They were playing together so good. And I thought to myself "this makes everyday worth it. All the bad days are cancelled out because of this one good day" 

Parenting is hard. It's so freaking hard. If anyone tells you otherwise they are wrong. They say it's hard, but worth it. Why is it hard, well read the story above, but why is it worth it... well let me show you:








If you think parenting is going to be happy all the time and that your "children are never going to act like that." think again. Because children have a mind of their own and they will. But they grace you with those moments, those moments that make you go "oh my gosh I love them so much I could die" They melt your heart, pull at your heart strings. But in return, they also make you want to die of humiliation, pull your hair out, and cause you a heart attack.

My advice live for the moments, because they are worth it.
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