Friday, August 4, 2017

July Wrap up

July was jammed packed with things! July was a blast! I'm so sad to see Summer come to a close. :( 

We went to the cabin!




Fourth of July shenanigans, we went to the parade, went up to cascade springs (we usually do that) then had a bbq! And we also went to the Revolutionary day thing up by scera park




We went bowling, Madeline had so much fun! But she also had way more fun just catching the balls.


We went to parks and played! 


We went up Payson canyon to the grotto! It was so cool! 


We went to PG Ponds 



We went to the splash pad a few times!



We went to Dripping Rock in Spanish Fork




My parents bought a hammock, so we've spent a lot of time out there. 




Then we wrapped up June by going to Deer Creek with Zack's extended family!









Not pictured: We went to the 24th of July parade in Spanish Fork. Drives up the canyon. Making cookies, playing with cousins and friends. all the time spent with family! 

July you were so good to us! 

Friday, July 21, 2017

Fathers

When you think of the word father you probably think of your own dad. You make a list of all the reasons why your dad is better than any other dad out there. But sometimes, I feel that dad's don't get the recognition they deserve.

You see, I could not even imagine raising our two girls without Zack. No seriously. When he gets home from work, our little girls run and scream "daddy!" and give him a big hug. He gets down and plays with them. He shows our girls exactly how a man should treat a woman.



You see, I believe society spends so much time thinking about mothers, that we forget just how important dad's are. Yes, they may not have gone through 9 months of carrying the child, or pushing the baby out your whoo ha and in turn ruining your figure.


But they are the ones that rub your sore feet, who hold your hand through labor. They are the ones that listen to you cry about how much it hurts. They watch over you, your children. They give you breaks, they make late night runs for medication. They tell you not to sell the children on Ebay. (Just kidding about that one... sorta)


Zack is my partner. Each of us bring something to our children's life the other couldn't give them. Our children love Zack. Madeline goes to Zack when she gets scared at nights now. He's the one that puts her to bed most nights. He sometimes gives the girls a bath (depending if he's home in time or not)


Zack is the one who sacrifices sleep at night, he's the one who will go without so we can have more. He's the one who I look to when I need help. I count on him to help make decisions about our children. I keep him informed throughout the day. I tell him about doctors appointments, about dance classes, nursery. 


Fathers are so important. Your children need their father in their life. You can never substitute them. I get so frustrated when I see women bad mouth the father of their children. They make the kids feel bad for loving their dad. The thing is, maybe things didn't work out with you. But your children will love them through their faults. Just like your children love you after you make mistakes. 


 Zack is irreplaceable! I feel it's about time we recognize just how important fathers are in our lives! 


Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Infertility. My Journey.

Well, that's a yucky yucky word.

I have many friends who suffer from infertility, I've watched the struggle. I feel like I can't talk about my own journey because there are so many people that are out there who's story isn't like mine. I mean, how can I talk about infertility if I haven't even experienced IVF or IUI or egg retrievals or doctor appointments of unexplained infertility.

Because I've been blessed on my own infertility journey. 

So to get you all up to speed, I suffer from Endometriosis. 


So what is endometriosis? Well, here's the definition of it from good ol' webmd

Endometriosis happens when tissue normally found inside the uterus grows in other parts of the body. It may attach to the ovaries, fallopian tubes, the exterior of the uterus, the bowel, or other internal parts. As hormones change during the menstrual cycle, this tissue breaks down and may cause painful adhesions, or scar tissue.

I suffer from this. 

Many women suffer from this actually. It's one of the main causes of infertility. But many women don't find out they have it until it's too late, they try and try to have children, go through testing, being poke and prodded to find out they have it. And it's too far along for them to conceive on their own.

My story is a bit different. I didn't have unexplained infertility, I didn't show up at doctors office wondering why I couldn't have babies, because I did. I had 2 beautiful babies. 



My journey, started in March of 2012. I was at work having some really bad pain on my right side, we thought it was my appendix so off to the emergency room we went. After running some tests they couldn't find anything wrong with me. 


I didn't think much of it, I got married and life moved on. Then, in October 2012, I was having the same exact pain again. I was frustrated because it was in the exact same spot. We decided we'd go to the ER just in case it was my appendix. It wasn't. They did an ultrasound and found some fluid by my ovary. They told me a cyst had ruptured and probably infected my ovary and I needed to schedule an appointment with my OBGYN. So I did. They ran no tests, didn't tell me anything new, just told me "it happens" and moved on.

But the pain returned. I knew it wasn't just a "cyst" so in December 2012, I went to my family practice doctor and had him run some tests. He told me it could be 1 of 2 things. The first a really bad infection or Endometriosis. He put me on some heavy antibiotics to see if we could flush out the infection (if it was indeed an infection) he said if I continued to have pain then it wasn't an infection and I needed to make another appointment with my OBGYN. The antibiotics made me super sick and it was the week of Christmas when I started this, so it was pretty lousy. 



The antibiotics didn't work, so off to the OBGYN I went again. She told me, "so you suffer from endometriosis," but usually they go in laparoscopic but they didn't want to do that until it was absolutely necessary so that way it wouldn't build up more scar tissues. 

I was given 3 options
1. To have a baby.
2. Put on hormonal birth control
3. be put in a menopausal state

I was currently in school and wanted to finish school before we had a baby, so I went on birth control. I got freaked out though thinking about never being able to have children, so I went off the birth control 2 weeks later.... And we started trying to have a baby. (this was in January) 

We found out we were pregnant on April 30, 2013. 


It was a relief because we weren't infertile yet. We caught it in time!


It's always in the back of my mind though. When we started trying for baby #2, I freaked out thinking we were infertile since it had been such a long time since we found out. We stopped preventing but not actively trying...


It was disheartening to read "not pregnant" time and time again. Because I was worried we were going to have to go through infertility treatments. Because once your told your chances of conceiving naturally become slimmer when you have Endo you start to freak. 

But... we were blessed again.




But here we are again. I didn't have a period for 2 years after Hailey, and my endometriosis is back with a vengeance. I can feel the damage done, the pain it's causing, all the scar tissue and the blocked Fallopian tube on my right side. 

Moral of the story?
Listen to your body!

Even if you aren't trying to have kids, listen to your body. If your periods aren't consisted like on a 28-30 day cycle and bleed for 5-7 days, if your cramps are absolutely terrible that you can't get off the floor that first day (like me) or if you have pain when you ovulate, (like me) go talk to your OBGYN! 

I feel incredibly lucky I found out early. My situation could easily change though in a moment. I may not have gone though IVF, or IUI,  but I could very easily be someone who could or will. 

So that's my story, I may not be infertile yet on both sides. But I know that feeling of "something is wrong" or "will I ever be able to have another kid?" I thank Heavenly Father that I've been one of the lucky ones on this journey. 



Thursday, July 13, 2017

Silence

Since working at MATC I spend a lot of time being quiet. Sitting in the silence. I am a testing proctor so it's always pretty quiet. But there's something I've come to understand about silence.

I love it.

To me, the world is just filled with so much noise. 

People trying to be something they aren't. Trying to fill the silence with lies, or hurtful words. 

I've found myself hating other people so much of the time, I hate that they make me feel so awful about myself. I hate that I feel horrible about myself. 

But I've found that the silence brings me comfort. 


People get so freaked out by the silence, but to me, the silence gives me space to think.

It gives me time to know what's in my own heart and mind and not what everyone else is trying to put there. 

It gives me the ability to reevaluate myself and my priorities. 



I've found out a lot about myself in the silence. I can feel the spirit more, I can understand myself on a deeper level.

I encourage you just to try it, maybe at first it may seem weird to you, but just allow yourself time to sit and think. No noise, no TV going, no music. Enjoy the sound of your own mind, and you'll be amazed at what you find! 


Thursday, July 6, 2017

June Wrap Up

So June was a really fun month, and already for July we've had a blast. But I just want to document everything we did in the month of June. So here we go!

We've ran through sprinklers a million times already. 



We did the Orem summer festival. That's always a tradition that I love! It kicks off summer just right!



Taken a lot of walks on the river trail. 


We've got to a couple different splash pads. 




Played outside and rode scooters. 


Went to Spanish Oaks since Seven Peaks was closed. 




Had water fights, played in the backyard with water. 



Went camping! 


And of course we went to seven peaks a million times! 


I also quit my job at Entrata. I just wasn't happy there and felt my depression getting worse the longer I stayed there. So I felt that it was time to find a new job. 


And I did! I now work at MATC in Spanish Fork as a testing administrator. People tell me it sounds boring and stupid. But to be honest, I really love it. I don't have to answer phones, I can work on homework, I can interact with actual people and they are actually nice to me. My coworkers like me, and my boss believes in me and genuinely cares about me as a person and tells me all the time how wonderful I'm doing and that I'm a great addition to the team. Which was the opposite at Entrata. My boss told me I was going to be fired multiple times (which is so not good for morale.) 


Moral of the story, I'm so much happier and I love my job!

Whew, June was a crazy month, This summer has been a blast so far! I'm so excited to see what the next few months of summer have in store!
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